This week I had the opportunity to visit a medium security prison
and spend the day not only speaking to about 100 guys, but spent individual time
with many of them. The prison is about an hour and half from my house and I had
to be at the gate house between 8 and 830a.m. (which meant an early morning for
me). During the drive I attempted to clear my head and focus on what I would
say to them. This can be overwhelming as I usually walk into a gymnasium or
commons area and they are there waiting for me to walk in and start talking.
One of the ways I try to get myself focused and centered is through music. My
music interests span many genres and time frames. However I recently have been
listening to the Avett Brothers for my long drives at work and to relax when at
home. There is one specific song “Head full of doubt/Road full of promise”
which I found to be appropriate for this mornings commute and preparation. The
lyrics of the song are:
"Head Full Of
Doubt / Road Full Of Promise"
There's a darkness
upon me that's flooded in light
In the fine print
they tell me what's wrong and what's right
And it comes in black
and it comes in white
And I'm frightened by
those that don't see it
When nothing is owed or deserved or expected
And your life doesn't
change by the man that's elected
If you're loved by
someone, you're never rejected
Decide what to be and
go be it
There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out
I met many men who have spent 20 or more years locked up, many of which are murderers. They shared the same nervous anticipation that any person would have in their position. A scared of what the world is like after 20 years disposition. They shared stories of their children who were toddlers when they went away, who have grown up, got married, had their own children, and continued on with their lives. And I reflected on my last 20 years being in recovery, being free, and having a life. During the speaking part of my day I was in a gymnasium with about 100 men sitting in the bleachers, all dressed in the same state issued blue uniform (made by prisoners, wore by prisoners) and I talked about many things including dreams and doubts. I know many of them will not make it once released. The burden of life on the outside is too much. The problems that lead them to incarceration remain, some have continued to grow. And I talked about it. I discussed what it means to be part of a community and the debt they must someday payback to their towns, their families. I talked about the responsibility they have to themselves, their children, their mothers, and their community. A shared responsibility we all have to be citizens. We discussed plans, goals and more importantly I discussed dreams. I challenged them all to look inside themselves and find their dreams and use those desires to succeed, accomplish, conquer motivate and guide them to make better choices. And I talked about a desire for something different
B
