Dreams

where did she go? The girl with the golden stitch

who is he, old worn and weathered hat

the sun is back and beats against the clouds

he has lost, silence, science 

the drip of the leaky faucet

the tremble 

the sky spins and smiles

she has moved on 

the man with the hat never smiles

the cloud in his pocket breathes

his hands are a map of the past

the shovel hangs on the wall

polished, clean, reflecting light

little orange bottles hold dreams

waiting to be released into the sky

what does the vessel keep

he looks into the mirror

the clouds dance

he keeps her close

safety, comfort

they have always loved

B

Sharing...

I want to begin sharing ideas from others that move me somehow. Today I want to share a piece of writing by one of my oldest friends who in many ways is family, my brother...




The old me wants to be angry and kick and break shit!
The new me has learned to focus on the change desired rather than the problem.
To seek out my own joy and make it my reality.
That today is the day! Not tomorrow!
That if you want love you first have to be able to give it to yourself!
If you don't want others to criticize you then don't criticize yourself or others!
If you are happy others will be happy around you and if you are unhappy people will find reason to be unhappy with you.
It affects how you feel about yourself and others and how you interact with them, eventually inhibiting your personal being and potentially turning into physical illness.
I am aware that what I have been looking for is inside me and that I cannot take anyone with me who is not willing to do the work!

When can i start taking full responsibility for me?
I am Completely responsible for my own actions and lack of action! My own happiness and well being, as well as everything and everyone I allow into my life! Namaste and bless
AB a journal into who I am
AB a journal into who I am

Scream and yell and blame others for my unhappiness. 
The new me wants compassion, acceptance and understanding.
The new me wants to take complete responsibility for his life and actions. 
To take responsibility for his responses to others and bring kindness and compassion to others.
To no longer get caught up in judgments of others and be completely content to let others be themselves wherever they are in their own lives.

The new me has learned to no longer look to others for acceptance or approval, but to seek it within.

If you have a grievance and you hold it in rather than express it continues to grow inside you, until it completely affects your whole being and mannerisms.
Lonely as my path has been I have benefitted and grown immensely from it. 
Without being in a monastery to a greater degree I have pursued a monks life, focusing on introspection and facing the truth that there were and are problems with my view of myself, my reality and true reality.
That I grew up in a dysfunctional environment and that until I choose differently, that's how I will react and respond to people, events and happenings. 

I don't lie to myself when I am wrong and I value honest criticism! 
I value and honor the truth in all aspects and I'm not afraid to fall down or be let down as I know that I can stand back up and that people are people and that we are all capable of the best and the worst, it just depends on where we are in life. 

If people have hurt us and neglected us or if they have loved, nurtured and supported us and given us the opportunity to feel loved and supported.

Today is the day to face yourself and truly ask yourself WHO'S responsibility is the outcome of my life?

What are you going to do about it?
When can I get started honoring and being true to myself and no longer place blame on others?

Lent and the Violent Femmes...For my grandma

My Grandmother, God, Catholicism, and Recovery. as originally posted 2-9-13

Today

"There are only two days in the year when nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live."

The Real Slim Shady-Hip hop and recovery

I recently finished watching VH1’s documentary on “The Tanning of America: One Nation Under Hip Hop”. And there is no doubt that Hip Hop culture has infiltrated and changed popular culture, in fact popular culture is hip hop. There was an interesting segment on the rapper Eminem. There is very little way to measure the impact Eminem has had on popular and youth culture. He is a house hold name and a person in recovery. I understand and know for fact that many, many young people have immolated Eminem, they have looked up to him as a voice, an ideology, a demigod…the offspring of Hip Hop. I have never purchased an Eminem album but I have been unable to avoid the wrath and influence of his music and persona. I have paid a lot of attention to his personal struggles with addiction and his journey into recovery. And I am proud of his humbling honesty and his compelling discourse on recovery. I wonder if anyone is listening. He has been conducting interviews and disclosing the personal struggles, he has been performing with an Alcoholics Anonymous logo on his chain, and his newest album is entitled recovery.

When I reflect on how Hip Hop has changed the landscape of culture, I think about how recovery has affected an artist like Eminem and what effect that has on his millions of supporters. Will young people look to him as a reason to get clean, to get into recovery, to continue to be like Eminem? I hope. I am proud of his voice, his bravery, his honesty. I hope others are watching, listening.
B

http://www.eminem.com/
http://eminem.tumblr.com/
https://www.facebook.com/eminem
http://www.vh1.com/shows/the_tanning_of_america/series.jhtml

The boy with the box in his pocket

caffeine and nicotine
Byrd and blue ink
a pill for this, a pill for that
change
clouds talk to me
my hands tremble
who is he
a ghost
change is good
growth
the sun burns his vision
it can never be dark enough
he keeps a cloud
in a box
in his front pocket
a prisoner
captured during the war
the trumpet plays
in his memory
he meets someone new
he takes a pill
his hand trembles
the clouds remind him
change is good
Byrd plays
ink dances
he keeps the ghost
with the cloud
in a box
inscribed on the lid
change is good

B

Serotonin–norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor

I finally followed the advice I so often give to others and went to a specialist to get a different opinion of my mental health status. I have to admit that being on the other side of the desk was a bit uncomfortable. But I was taking the steps to take care of myself…