September is Recovery Month! I have been invited to speak at several events and always am humbled that anyone is interested in what I have to say. So far all of you in recovery happy recovery month and if you are doing something special let me know!
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http://www.recoverymonth.gov/

82.1

82.1

How do you fill the emptiness, the feeling that never goes away? 

How do you face the day, the world? 

How do you get out of bed? 

How do you continue on? 

How do you keep it to yourself?

How do you hide it?

How do you act normal?

How do you communicate with others?

How do you face yourself?

How do you explain it to others?

How do you do you?

How do you feel normal?

How do you do it?

on average 82.1 people commit suicide each day…RIP RW

My Story

many people ask me what my “turning point” was. They seem to look for the “answer” and I can admit that a combination of factors influenced my choice to choose a different path for myself. 

One of the things I encourage those struggling to change their life is to consider how they have placed themselves in a position to let others define who they are. This is what I call the gift and curse of personal change (recovery), the authority to become the true author of you story. To define who you are, to rewrite your own story. This is ultimately done through action, not words. 

I write my own story

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clouds

I have spent the last few days staring, daydreaming, at the sky. Not because I am bored, but because the sky has been exceptionally beautiful. The clouds have been breath taking. When I look at the sky I feel grounded, centered, I feel humbled, and small. The problems of my day both real and in my head seem to drift away. The clouds are full of life and emotion. I am a day dreamer. I believe in things greater than myself. I seek comfort outside of myself. I search for refuge from myself. 

Take a moment from yourself and enjoy the world…

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Sometimes I forget who I am.

Sometimes I forget who I am. Sometimes I forget what I do. Sometimes I don't realize my connection with others. Recently I had someone approach me at a gas station, stick their hand out to shake mine and continue to introduce themselves. A man who had heard me speak about my journey into recovery. He proceeded to tell me how he was doing, that he has been clean for 3 months. We talked about his goals, but more importantly I asked how he was dealing with himself and the world. I am always surprised when this happens as I get busy with myself and my life I forget sometimes about others and the struggles they are involved in. If you know someone who is going through a personal struggle, take a minute and ask them how they are doing. They need that, they need recognized, they need others to acknowledge and sometimes feel proud of what they are doing.

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9,497 days...but who's counting

today is my personally recognized sobriety date. An anniversary. A rebirth day. 27 years ago I intoxicated myself for the last time. I began writing a new ending to the story of my life. I began to morn the loss of the person I was and looked towards the future with fear, hesitation, and excitement. I remember in great detail that moment I decided I was going to try something different and how scared I was of the unknown. The fact I was going to let go of everything I held dear to myself, the sickness of addiction. For the first time I began to care. Today I am still scared, still unsure of myself and my path. For 27 years I have held the course, I have not used any drug or alcohol and I continue to try something different...thank you for sharing in my journey

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Hesitation in Motion

The second sweeps like a slow motion suicide.

The clock face pure like the bleached skull of memory past.

He leans against the steel bars, watching, waiting as the clouds build.

He hasn't seen the sky in five months and longs for its spectacle of desire.

The sun and moon sleep on the heavy black numbers.

The energy of the storm builds, the pressure lives in his head.

Like a worn place in the movement, he watches for a hesitation in motion.

He waits 

watches 

for a hesitation in motion