If Normal were a color- An open letter to young readers

Painting a picture of normal 

If normal were a color it would have many profound shades. Many struggle with the palette of normal and believe to their core they are not. However who claims normal to be a pure consistent hue of certainty? We know young people struggle with personal identification and normalcy. We know many adults model what they believe to be a normal persona in thought and action. Young people are particularly susceptible to decision making which may have an immediate effect on their current situation. Most who suffer from behavioral health issues seek a life of pure consistent normalcy. This innate drive is fostered by internal and external factors alike. Young people want to feel, be normal to others. They seek concrete reinforcement form their immediate surroundings. I was never comfortable with myself as an adolescent. I never felt as though I fit in. I surrounded myself with others who didn't fit in. I engaged in behaviors which made me numb to the uncomfortableness. I felt lost, trapped, hopeless. I put myself in the position to allow others to define me, my character. No matter how hard I tried I could not find normal…or at least what I thought normal should be. As I have grown older I still struggle with the socially acceptable “normal”. I still do not know what that means and I somehow have found comfort in understanding that there are many shades of normal. 

In my painting of normal there are many colors and shades, on most days my painting looks completely different then it did the day before. And I find comfort in that.

if you struggle with normal please know you are not alone, if you cannot find someone to talk to out of fear of judgement, please know I understand. 

B

Red Ribbon Week

From October 23-31 we collectively participate in Red Ribbon Week. Many, if not all of our schools will join in celebrating a week of drug awareness. Spending a small amount of time on redribbion.org, the story of Red Ribbon week and its creation can be found and the story of Enrique (Kiki) Camarena a Drug Enforcement Administration Agent who was tortured and killed in Mexico in 1985.

“In honor of Camarena's memory and his battle against illegal drugs, friends and neighbors began to wear red badges of satin. Parents, sick of the destruction of alcohol and other drugs, had begun forming coalitions. Some of these new coalitions took Camarena as their model and embraced his belief that one person can make a difference. These coalitions also adopted the symbol of Camarena's memory, the red ribbon.”

Red Ribbon week is not only an activity for children but a call to parents and communities to become active in the education and understanding regarding the harmful effects of Drugs and Alcohol. We as community members must come forward and teach our children about the realities of and negative consequences of Substance Abuse. We must encourage, teach, and guide children to healthy alternatives.

RedRibbon.org encourages everyone to take the red ribbon pledge:

As parents and citizens, we will talk to our children and the children in our lives about the dangers of drug abuse.

We will set clear rules for our children about not using drugs.

We will set a good example for our children by not using illegal drugs or medicine without a prescription.

We will monitor our children's behavior and enforce appropriate consequences, so that our rules are respected.

We will encourage family and friends to follow the same guidelines to keep children safe from substance abuse

Red Ribbon week is reminder for us that we are tasked with the responsibility to parent the young people in our homes and communities. A sounded call to unite for the betterment of our family, all of our family.  

The rhythm of the world

Sometimes my life moves too fast. I try to slow down. I try to center, meditate, close my eyes and find peace in the rhythm of the world.

The old man sits in the building, silent

his brain races with thoughts of clouds

he hasn't seen the light of happiness

the tension puts pressure against his soul

the earth moves like a slow motion murder

he stares at the wrinkles on his hands

a map of experience, existence

he longs for relief from the echo

he misses the former version of a boy

lost in the storm 

the angels swing on the playground in silence

he has a shovel, polished 

engraved with the names of memories

the cloud seeps through the crack under the door

the string unravels

he closes his eyes, asks for peace

the clouds become a pillow

and the angels sing softly in his head

B

“Brad, this Heroin is so good it’s killing people”

Several years ago I and a group of coworkers conducted a comprehensive analysis of the client caseload I had been working with. Our purpose was to identify specific groups of drug users, the treatment modality they were referred to and completed, and their outcome in our program. We were looking for data regarding methamphetamine involved clients and how well they were doing with completion of program goals. One of the pieces of data that came from our study/ reflection was most troubling. Anyone who was coming from prison with an Opiate Dependence diagnosis and assigned to my case load was dead. They had died from Heroin overdoses, found in houses, ditches, and automobiles, usually with a needle still stuck in their arm. If they were “lucky” they reoffended and were back in prison. Every outcome regarding success was 0%. I fought back tears. I was not doing my job properly. I didn’t know how to do my job properly. I considered 0% unacceptable. I spoke to community based treatment providers who noted similar success rates, 0%. I began to work on a strategy to address this. To change the course of my work, to change my outcomes, and hopefully change lives. I began seeking education regarding street grade Heroin. I decided I was going to start discussing Heroin Dependence specific symptoms. At the same time Opioid Antagonist medications were being introduced, Medically Assisted Treatment. We knew Methadone was the “gold standard” for treating Opioid addiction that it was possible to save lives, was not available in southern Illinois, and came with much controversy.  Suboxone would become available but the way licenses were monitored many doctors had waiting lists that were years long and people continued to DIE. I started spending what I would consider “intimate” time with Heroin users, going into dope houses, taking people over and over to detox programs (some people I took 5 times, and talking about the power of Opioid addiction with anyone who would listen. I started attending trainings regarding MAT (medically assisted treatment). I learned firsthand from consumers of heroin that the “rules” no longer applied, common sense no longer existed. I was interviewing an active IV heroin user for a presentation and when I inquired about the purity levels in Southern Illinois, He responded “Brad, this Heroin is so good it’s killing people”. I knew than that all the rules were different and everything I knew about working with substance abusers was in need of modification.

I am still learning, still working one on one with heroin users, still trying to understand why people addicted to heroin are considered expendable by society, still being an advocate when I can to change the rules, still improving my outcomes (it has many years since I had a client die as a result of heroin use), and I am still looking for ways to help others to live. 

http://www.overdosepreventionalliance.org/

http://harmreduction.org/

http://broken-no-more.org/

http://www.illinoiscenterofexcellence.org/

B

I want to be the ghost

It creates a printout to track her movement, her memory

desire swirls like clouds before the storm

where has she gone

the demons scatter from the darkness

I miss her when I close my eyes

the ghosts torment me

I long to float with the clouds

the demons pull me to the ground

they have created a machine

and I want to be the ghost

Gratitude and Wednesday

This past week I was challenged to do the gratitude challenge on Facebook and I wanted to share those three days with you.

I am grateful for my family and friends who bring so much joy and many challenges to my life...without them I would be less

I am grateful that I have the ability to make choices in my daily life, I once positioned myself to allow others to dictate to me my choices.

I am grateful that I understand the difference between wanting everything I have and having everything I want

I am thankful for the ability to recognize humility and times when I need to be humble.

I am grateful that I have learned to express empathy, understanding, and compassion.

I am thankful I have been blessed with the ability to be fair and understanding of so many people from many different backgrounds and restore some sense of justice to community and to others.

I am grateful for the many amazing people I encounter in my job who bring joy and compassion to myself and others unconditionally!

I am grateful for times I laugh especially when inside I have been crying

I am grateful for my health, although it requires a bit of daily maintenance, I am healthy in my mind, body, and spirit.

If you have never done a gratitude inventory I suggest you try!

Also Wednesday is international suicide prevention day...

 You can find resources at:

http://twloha.com/

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Have a Blessed week!

B