Sunday, September 21, 2014

“Brad, this Heroin is so good it’s killing people”

Several years ago I and a group of coworkers conducted a comprehensive analysis of the client caseload I had been working with. Our purpose was to identify specific groups of drug users, the treatment modality they were referred to and completed, and their outcome in our program. We were looking for data regarding methamphetamine involved clients and how well they were doing with completion of program goals. One of the pieces of data that came from our study/ reflection was most troubling. Anyone who was coming from prison with an Opiate Dependence diagnosis and assigned to my case load was dead. They had died from Heroin overdoses, found in houses, ditches, and automobiles, usually with a needle still stuck in their arm. If they were “lucky” they reoffended and were back in prison. Every outcome regarding success was 0%. I fought back tears. I was not doing my job properly. I didn’t know how to do my job properly. I considered 0% unacceptable. I spoke to community based treatment providers who noted similar success rates, 0%. I began to work on a strategy to address this. To change the course of my work, to change my outcomes, and hopefully change lives. I began seeking education regarding street grade Heroin. I decided I was going to start discussing Heroin Dependence specific symptoms. At the same time Opioid Antagonist medications were being introduced, Medically Assisted Treatment. We knew Methadone was the “gold standard” for treating Opioid addiction that it was possible to save lives, was not available in southern Illinois, and came with much controversy.  Suboxone would become available but the way licenses were monitored many doctors had waiting lists that were years long and people continued to DIE. I started spending what I would consider “intimate” time with Heroin users, going into dope houses, taking people over and over to detox programs (some people I took 5 times, and talking about the power of Opioid addiction with anyone who would listen. I started attending trainings regarding MAT (medically assisted treatment). I learned firsthand from consumers of heroin that the “rules” no longer applied, common sense no longer existed. I was interviewing an active IV heroin user for a presentation and when I inquired about the purity levels in Southern Illinois, He responded “Brad, this Heroin is so good it’s killing people”. I knew than that all the rules were different and everything I knew about working with substance abusers was in need of modification.


I am still learning, still working one on one with heroin users, still trying to understand why people addicted to heroin are considered expendable by society, still being an advocate when I can to change the rules, still improving my outcomes (it has many years since I had a client die as a result of heroin use), and I am still looking for ways to help others to live. 


B

Sunday, September 14, 2014

I want to be the ghost

It creates a printout to track her movement, her memory
desire swirls like clouds before the storm
where has she gone
the demons scatter from the darkness
I miss her when I close my eyes
the ghosts torment me
I long to float with the clouds
the demons pull me to the ground
they have created a machine

and I want to be the ghost


Sunday, September 7, 2014

Gratitude and Wednesday

This past week I was challenged to do the gratitude challenge on Facebook and I wanted to share those three days with you.

I am grateful for my family and friends who bring so much joy and many challenges to my life...without them I would be less

I am grateful that I have the ability to make choices in my daily life, I once positioned myself to allow others to dictate to me my choices.

I am grateful that I understand the difference between wanting everything I have and having everything I want

I am thankful for the ability to recognize humility and times when I need to be humble.

I am grateful that I have learned to express empathy, understanding, and compassion.

I am thankful I have been blessed with the ability to be fair and understanding of so many people from many different backgrounds and restore some sense of justice to community and to others.

I am grateful for the many amazing people I encounter in my job who bring joy and compassion to myself and others unconditionally!

I am grateful for times I laugh especially when inside I have been crying


I am grateful for my health, although it requires a bit of daily maintenance, I am healthy in my mind, body, and spirit.

If you have never done a gratitude inventory I suggest you try!

Also Wednesday is international suicide prevention day...
 You can find resources at:
Have a Blessed week!
B


Sunday, August 31, 2014

September is Recovery Month! I have been invited to speak at several events and always am humbled that anyone is interested in what I have to say. So far all of you in recovery happy recovery month and if you are doing something special let me know!
B

http://www.recoverymonth.gov/

Monday, August 18, 2014

82.1

82.1

How do you fill the emptiness, the feeling that never goes away? 
How do you face the day, the world? 
How do you get out of bed? 
How do you continue on? 
How do you keep it to yourself?
How do you hide it?
How do you act normal?
How do you communicate with others?
How do you face yourself?
How do you explain it to others?
How do you do you?
How do you feel normal?
How do you do it?

on average 82.1 people commit suicide each day…RIP RW





Monday, July 28, 2014

My Story

many people ask me what my “turning point” was. They seem to look for the “answer” and I can admit that a combination of factors influenced my choice to choose a different path for myself. 
One of the things I encourage those struggling to change their life is to consider how they have placed themselves in a position to let others define who they are. This is what I call the gift and curse of personal change (recovery), the authority to become the true author of you story. To define who you are, to rewrite your own story. This is ultimately done through action, not words. 

I write my own story
B

Saturday, July 19, 2014

clouds

I have spent the last few days staring, daydreaming, at the sky. Not because I am bored, but because the sky has been exceptionally beautiful. The clouds have been breath taking. When I look at the sky I feel grounded, centered, I feel humbled, and small. The problems of my day both real and in my head seem to drift away. The clouds are full of life and emotion. I am a day dreamer. I believe in things greater than myself. I seek comfort outside of myself. I search for refuge from myself. 

Take a moment from yourself and enjoy the world…
B