http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share?language=en#t-1368064

Why am I private?

Its been awhile since I have written, by choice. Sometimes I am uncertain of what or why I write. I am unsure if anyone cares about what I write or if I even should concern myself with what others think. I started writing this blog really to open myself up, to document, record things that effect me or interest, inspire me. I wanted to create a bridge a place where others could find refuge and I know this happens through the personal messages I receive from you. Everyday I experience something that inspires me to write and share here. This at times is my journal, a look into myself. 

I have recently been spending time contemplating myself and my role in this world. I am complex at times and am uncertain of the path I have chosen to walk. I try at all times to remain humble and self evaluate. I try to protect myself from the true vulnerability I experience on a daily basis. I work at removing the instinctual barriers I display with others. I try to be myself and allow myself to feel a wide range of emotions. These are hard things for me to do but I continue to push myself because I believe this is where I continue to grow. I challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone and experience nervousness and excitement. I continue to engage in speaking opportunities which really makes me feel inadequate and vulnerable. Standing in front of others and speaking is a scary thing for me to do, yet I push myself to grow. 

I don't know why I am scared of what anyone thinks of me, but I am

I don’t know what Im doing…I just keep doing.

Thank You for taking a minute to read this, I am always amazed that anyone cares.

B

Been reading many books lately and making products on my Society6 page Check them out at

http://society6.com/bradleybullock

Shoulders

A man crosses the street in the rain,

Stepping gently, looking two times north and south,

Because his son is asleep on his shoulder.

No car must splash him.

No car drive too near to his shadow.

This man carries the world's most sensitive cargo

But he is not marked.

Nowhere does his jacket say FRAGILE,

HANDLE WITH CARE.

His ear feels up with breathing.

He hears the hum of the boy's dream 

Deep inside him.

We're not going to be able to live in this world 

If we're not willing to do what he's doing 

With one another

The road will be wide

The rain will never stop falling.

-Naomi Shibab Nye

The vessel

under the surface

sometimes I wish I wasn't me. I feel so uncomfortable with myself, so un-normal. I wish I didn't have to be me. I try to accept this is how I am and seek ways to adjust, move forward. I feel myself pacing in my head, never really moving. somedays I hate it, the discomfort. I feel fragile, i feel others will see my dislike for myself in my eyes. I have fleeting thoughts of harming myself, to punish myself, to hurt the part of me i dislike. i am scared of who i am and who i may become. i am scared of reverting to a former version of myself. i am scared the world will expose me for being the scared little kid who lives inside me. everyday, i take a deep breath and tell myself i can do it, i can make it.

B