Sometimes I attend training's to
improve my work skills and more often than not, leave learning something about
myself and why I do certain things. This week I attended a training session on
trauma informed care, one the current “buzz” words in the treatment profession
at the moment and learned a lot about who I use to be. One of the sessions
addressed how to work with someone who is “flooding” or having adrenaline
overload. This really hit home as I used to be pre-wired with a high level of
adrenaline, a way to keep vigilant and be on my best defense to protect myself.
Many people inquire about my apparent calm, laid back disposition and I have
never been able to explain it in a clinical way. This has taken an immense amount
of work on myself, to let go of those things which trigger adrenaline flooding,
conflict in any way. The most upset or
adrenaline charged I have felt was a couple years ago when someone confronted
me in a parking lot, he thumped me on the chest when he was talking in a “put
down” way. I was able to defuse myself and walk away. The adrenaline rushed
through my body so strongly that my hands were shaking. I was threatened, I
felt unsafe, and I wanted to put my hands around his neck. This is one of the
greatest things I have accomplished through my recovery, letting go of conflict
and the ability to diffuse myself. I was not always like this even in recovery.
I recall many times getting into physical altercations, as a result of
escalating verbal disagreements. Confronting others unnecessarily because I
felt disrespected, challenged, or had my feelings hurt. I have a history of
violence and I was raised in an environment full of conflict, violence, and
trauma. This is how I was built. This is not something I am proud of and
something that I work on and manage on a daily basis.
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